you chose correctly
Anesthesia.
A field guide.
For those who'd prefer to keep suffering.
Anesthesia works. That's the honest problem with it. In the short term, it functions exactly as advertised — you don't feel the thing. The thing is still there, quietly composting in the basement. But you don't feel it. And sometimes, that's the move.
What follows is a non-exhaustive list of the most popular varieties. You probably already have a favorite. Maybe two.
Dissoci-8
Numbness-Sulfate · 50 mg · oral suspension
indications
For the temporary relief of introspective pressure, unwanted intimacy, the sensation of being known, and prolonged exposure to one's own interior.
dosage & administration
Two to four applications per social interaction. Increase frequency as needed. Do not exceed recommended denial.
side effects
- Gradual flattening of emotional range
- Relationships that feel almost real
- Increasing tolerance — requires higher doses over time
- Vague irritation you cannot locate
- The suppressed thing gets louder when the dose wears off
- Complete loss of access to the feeling you were trying to avoid
contraindications
Do not use in combination with genuine curiosity, direct eye contact, or questions beginning with "I've been meaning to ask you—"
storage
Store in the basement. Keep away from direct honesty. Discard if exposed to sustained intimacy for more than 48 hours.
Warning
Long-term use may result in a life that is technically fine.
the classics
Alcohol
The oldest and most socially acceptable. Efficiently dissolves self-consciousness, intimacy thresholds, and tomorrow's energy. Highly rated.
Being perpetually busy
A culturally celebrated option. The calendar is always full, the inbox never empty. No one can accuse you of avoidance because you're clearly so productive. Genius, really.
Scrolling
Available instantly, requires nothing, and leaves no mark — except the hour you lost and the vague irritation you can't place. Pairs well with lying in bed.
Chronic self-improvement
The sneaky one. You're always working on yourself — podcasts, protocols, journaling habits. So busy optimizing the future you that you never quite arrive in the present one.
Helping everyone else
Noble, useful, and a perfect reason to never look inward. If someone else always needs you, you never have to sit alone with yourself. The group is grateful. Your shadow is patient.
Spiritual bypassing
You've done the retreats, you know the language, you hold space beautifully. You're also using the vocabulary of healing to avoid the actual work. It's very sophisticated.
Irony as armor
Nothing can hurt you if nothing is sincere. A joke at the right moment keeps genuine contact at a safe distance. Smart, fast, and effective — until you can't turn it off.
Keeping a very tidy house
The surfaces are immaculate. The drawers are organized. You'll clean the kitchen instead of having the conversation. No one can say you're not a functional person.
Being very certain about things
Certainty forecloses curiosity. If you already know what people think about you, you don't have to find out. Works especially well when combined with being loud about it.
Waiting until you're ready
Ready is a feeling, and feelings are what you're anesthetizing. The readiness will arrive sometime after the discomfort does. You're welcome to wait.
The basement keeps the invoice.
None of these are moral failures. They're adaptations — things that helped once, maybe still do, maybe in smaller doses than you're currently using. The game isn't asking you to abandon them.
It's asking you to put them down for two hours and see what's underneath. You can pick them back up after. They'll be right where you left them.
The game will be here when you're ready.